Issue: Girl in 20s

i'm 24.

i have to admit-i never have a bf. it is an issue for me for the past years but i have to make it clear, right now, this is not exactly my goal or ambition or whatever. i just started working and seriously, i love my life right now-having no (or less) responsibility, why should i jump into relationship thing?

i hate having to stress or explain bout this-it's like me stressing this thing, saying it over and over again to make myself believe it but, sesapa pun kalu kena attack, mesti akan lawan balik. moreover to this kinda thing..tak laku tu, not something that is acceptable. huhu~lame!

lately, sb entered my life. sb who is my friend, but i think trying to upgrade his 'status' into my special friend. (mind, there's a word "think" there). usually i will discuss my deepest secret with my younger sister, so i am trying to do the same with this matter, but right now it seems like everyone think their issue is more important than others..so i dont get to discuss my problem. I know, it is as simple as keeping him as friend while accessing the possibilities. but after i talked with knie-not actually telling the real story but the general situation..yup i think becoming friend and see the possibilities is the best think to do ahora.

my oldest sisters talk to me one day, when we're both alone in a car. talking bout this relationship matter and how to her not being in a relationship is something not good. she didn't say this directly but i know her. i understand her 'belief' about a person having no spouse, not getting married and stuff. i can tell from her 'examples' of her friend whom currently not in relationship while they are already 27+, her friend whom like me..never experienced relationship once... but i am 24. just started living by myself. so far, honestly i like my life so much. having to think the thought or the need of having one just wear me..i don't want to have the feeling or the thinking or the act of looking though she lately, since i started working, constantly advised me to 'appear' less serious-looking and maybe be more open..so that i can score sb since right now, i dont appear available!

Do i look so serious? i know my look is somewhat garang.. i am serious and the reason i am acting serious mainly, because i am scared! but with her i don't think i do so, it might be i am in general, is serious. i am garang. i hate she used that to say that's the very reason why i dont have anyone yet. and why is there a comment from her hubby too?

Though she said when she is pasrah for all this things, so do her another friend, then they score someone, that might be the thing i think i might NOT go and try. i know myself that whenever i dont feel like looking and let me be 'alone n like it' thingy, sb did come to me..i dont think i could be 'pasrah' since i dont have the redha/pasrah feeling, and i cant make one. I dont want to pretend i am pasrah, bcoz i dont think that's the point. and the very main reason, i dont want to be pasrah in order getting someone because, as much as i like the feeling 'he' wants/likes me..he's my 'sb'..i dont feel i truly ready for any commitment. yup..as much as me looking and looking all these years, i can say, though having sb around is fun, and sth like me proving 'i have some1 too'..right now, i don't think that it is something i want anymore. and this time, i really going to give way to kak da n jaja too,maybe.

what's the point? i am looking for the past years and making my main issue in blogging, is all bout it. menyusahkan n sakit hati je. please, let me be 'alone and like it' until i should not be alone anymore..